On getting pregnant

Pregnancy is an interesting time of a woman's life and I'll write about that more tomorrow. Getting pregnant is an equally complicated time of life.
Everyone knows someone who falls into the following categories ...
- Get pregnant easily (in about 3 months or less), and stays pregnant
- Get pregnant relatively easily (in about 6 months), and stays pregnant
- Takes a really long time to get pregnant
- Gets pregnant, but has one miscarriage (most women have at least one miscarriage, though many don't know it because it occur so early)
- Gets pregnant, but has has multiple miscarriages, but not enough for it to classified as a problem
- Gets pregnant, but can't seem to stay pregnant (some can with help, or 1 in 10 times on their own)
- Can't seem to get pregnant (some can with help)

I have had 3 miscarriages out of 5 pregnancies. I had one loss before my son, and two after him. I spent the first 8 weeks of this pregnancy convinced that I was miscarrying due to extra bleeding and a gestational age that was 5 days behind what I expected. Getting pregnant was never a problem for me, but staying pregnant was. Each loss was painful for me, and each success was full of worry.

Even as I dealt with my pain and grief, I remembered the women that I personally know who were in worse situations than I was in. Those who knew what I was going through were supportive, and wonderful. I cannot comment enough of the grace with which these individuals helped me through a rough time in my life. As a result, I attempted to exhibit the same grace when I was having a success and they were not.

Please remember that we are all human beings and everyone needs support. It is not a competition as to who has it worse. It is a time for women to be supportive together regardless of the results (happy or sad). Remember that you never know the fertility situation of a couple. You cannot know their struggles and their grief. Please approach those of child-bearing years with grace.

Do not ask when they will children. They may have been trying for a while. They may have experienced loss. They may be in the middle of dealing with loss. They may have decided to not have children, and that is none of your business.
Please understand when an individual or couple is not able to celebrate immediately a success that you might have. You are not entitled to know the reason, but it exists.
Try not to flaunt your success. I know how hard it is when you have a 34 week belly that can't really be hidden and you know that a coworker is having her 5th miscarriage. Just be sensitive. Try not to complain too much. If you see she needs space, give it to her. If she needs a hug, give it to her too. Just remember that it isn't all about you.

That being said, pregnancy sucks. You do have  a right to complain about pregnancy. It doesn't mean that you are not grateful. Just watch where you complain and to whom, and if someone does not commiserate, it is likely because they want you to STFU because things are really difficult for them. Do not expect those experiencing loss or infertility to comfort you. That is just cruel. Be understanding please. (That being said, my next post will be about complaining about pregnancy, so feel free to ignore it)

What not to say to a woman who has has a miscarriage
Infertility Etiquette

Background

I am currently a bored pregnant woman 8 days from my second c-section. I am also an anxious pregnant woman who is not looking forward to a second year on maternity leave. Let me give you some background.

My son, who is the light of my life, was born 2.5 years ago. He arrived 1 week before his scheduled c-section. At 37 weeks and 2 days gestation, a "routine" non-stress test determined that he was in distress. The pregnancy was complicated so I was being monitored regularly, and he was breech. He arrived very quickly, but was healthy. From there, things got harder for quite some time before they got better. My son did not want to suck during breast-feeding, so we pumped. He had reflux, and colic. He would go through about 8 outfits per day due to reflux, and he didn't slow down with his screaming until 6 months. He also didn't sleep much until that point. At 6 months, besides teething issues, life got better. 

Thanks to supportive family, and a great group of friends, I kept my sanity last time. At 9 months, I went back to work for a month teaching summer school. My husband will attest that he also had a hard time during his month of parental leave, and this was after things got better. When I was home for the last month of my leave, life was really really fun. 

Since returning to work full time, I have been a happier mommy. My son has thrived in daycare, and he is a wonderful ray of sunshine after my sometimes difficult days at work teaching mathematics to unmotivated high school students. 

Now, I am getting ready to do another year of maternity leave. In 8 days I will be having a repeat c-section. I am prepared for a difficult time with the new little one, but am hoping for less difficulty this time around. At least I will be a little bit more prepared. My husband will be taking 3 weeks off to help me during my recovery. I have a wonderfully caring mother-in-law who lives only 45 minutes away who will be willing to help me out too. My son is staying in daycare full time at least until October (when he turns 3) at which point we will likely have to decrease him to part time due to the cost. Since he loves it there and is constantly learning and growing, I think that is the best. Actually, full-time might be the best, but money is always a consideration. 

This time around, I don't have cable, satellite, or even bunny ears (or equivalent) to keep me occupied. If I am as tired as I remember being last time, I won't be able to concentrate enough to read. I do however have the internet to keep me busy during the midnight feeds, or during the day when the baby sleeps and I can not nap. 

That being said, I am a mom like hundreds of other moms. I am not naturally a stay at home mom. That takes a special kind of person. I am a better person when challenged outside the home and when I have regular adult interaction. What I write is not special or earth-shattering. I write for me.  I am blogging to keep myself sane.