On being pregnant ...

Being pregnant is a wonderful thing. Ask any woman who has had difficulty getting or staying pregnant, and they will tell you the exact same thing. I have been pregnant 5 times in my attempts to increase the size of my family by 2. Although I stand by the assertion in the first sentence of this post, I will also say that pregnancy sucks.
There are people who have wonderful, glowing, symptom-free pregnancies. I am not one of those people. Note that my pregnancies have been mostly healthy and normal. So what I describe is neither unusual or unexpected, but it still sucks.

Pregnancy number one lasted two weeks from the positive pregnancy test at 4 weeks to the miscarriage on (Canadian) thanksgiving. I had very bad nausea from three days after that positive test to one week after the miscarriage. Of course the worst part was losing the naive wonder and excitement that your first pregnancy causes. You can't get that back. The second worst thing is calling your father to tell him that you can't make it to Thanksgiving because you're losing a pregnancy that no one had even been told about. It was a short part of my life, but it certainly changed the way that I think.

Pregnancy number two got me my dear son. Again, I suffered from nausea from almost day one. I got diclectin and dealt with the mind numbing fatigue that comes along with it. Some people get used to it. I didn't. I took this until 18 week and then I start up again around 28 weeks because the nausea doesn't always go away and stay away.
I spent the entire first 12 weeks (okay really it was 8 because you don't know you're pregnant for the first 4) worried, scared and paranoid that I would lose this one too. As I said, you don't get back that excitement. At my 18 anatomy ultrasound, we found out we were having a boy. Knowing the sex put an identity to this life growing inside me. It allowed both me and my husband to bond with the baby. That helped make things better.
The pregnancy was painful. I spent hours in discomfort, didn't sleep much, and felt pretty bad. That being said, I managed to keep teaching aerobics (ball and core) through the first trimester, and I kept teaching aquafitness until 7 months along. I also took prenatal fitness classes and took aquafitness. In fact, I had my last aquafitness class the day before my son was born.
During this pregnancy I had an anterior placenta which mean I didn't get to feel many kicks. My son was breech in such a way that natural turning methods would not be successful (no I don't remember which way - give me a break, it was 2.5 years ago). This is important as I also developed cholestasis of pregnancy. This put me at higher risk of preterm labour or still birth if I went to term. So I was monitored with 4 different appointments a week until my emergency c-section one week before the planned one (more about that another day). I was fat, busy, miserable, tired, in pain, and freaking huge. My 5 foot frame weighed 173lbs at the end of my pregnancy. My son was born October 9, 2008 almost a year to the day of my first miscarriage.

My third pregnancy lasted one week. I felt sick, and nauseous. It was not fun, but it was short. There's not much more to add. It sucked.
One month later, I got pregnant again. This time, I had no symptoms. I had what I though was my regular period. Then 5 days later, I was feeling a bit "off" and my breasts were still sore. So I took another pregnancy test. It turned out that I was pregnant. My only symptom was feeling more healthy than I could ever remember being. Unfortunatley, at 8 weeks I started bleeding. An ultrasound confirmed that the fetus had stopped growing at around 7 weeks. At 10 week, I misscarried. This one was actually physically not bad, but emotionally it was devastating. All I could ask was WFT?

So we take a break. During the time of pregnancy #3 and #4, and during this break, we sold our house, bought a new one to be built, moved into a temporary rental townhouse, moved into a new house, and watched my father in law suffer from and pass away due to cancer. My husband was also getting used to a new job that he had started a few months prior to all this, and I was teaching some of the most difficult classes ever at a new new school. It wasn't much of a break, but life doesn't stop because you're dealing with grief.

Then comes October again, we celebrate my son's 2nd birthday and get trying to increase our family again. In November, we have repeat of pregnancy #4. I get 5 days of period like bleeding, but one week later I feel off (nauseous this time too). So I take pregnancy test, and it comes back positive. Now most normal people trying for a child would celebrate. My response was "Oh, sh!t, not again." So I called my doctor and set up all the necessary appointment for blood work and then if it came back okay, for an ultrasound. The blood work came back inconclusive, but at 7 weeks we had an ultrasound with a heartbeat. It still wasn't enough to allow me to celebrate. I spent the first 18 weeks (and 2 more ultrasounds) paranoid and worrying that something was going to happen to this little one. I could not allow myself to hope until the day that my daughter was born (July 21, 2011). This pregnancy was similar to my son's with milder symptoms, and a non-emergency c-section at the end. I slept a little better, I had less pain. I could feel this one kick ALL THE TIME, and I am recovering much better this time.

Honestly though, pregnancy sucks and I never want to do it ever again. It is the only way to achieve the ends that we desired without going bankrupt, so I put up with it. I am ready to take back my body (which again ballooned up to 173 lbs, 148 lbs today at 2 weeks post partum). I am ready to move on with next phase of my life, enjoying my family.

On getting pregnant

Pregnancy is an interesting time of a woman's life and I'll write about that more tomorrow. Getting pregnant is an equally complicated time of life.
Everyone knows someone who falls into the following categories ...
- Get pregnant easily (in about 3 months or less), and stays pregnant
- Get pregnant relatively easily (in about 6 months), and stays pregnant
- Takes a really long time to get pregnant
- Gets pregnant, but has one miscarriage (most women have at least one miscarriage, though many don't know it because it occur so early)
- Gets pregnant, but has has multiple miscarriages, but not enough for it to classified as a problem
- Gets pregnant, but can't seem to stay pregnant (some can with help, or 1 in 10 times on their own)
- Can't seem to get pregnant (some can with help)

I have had 3 miscarriages out of 5 pregnancies. I had one loss before my son, and two after him. I spent the first 8 weeks of this pregnancy convinced that I was miscarrying due to extra bleeding and a gestational age that was 5 days behind what I expected. Getting pregnant was never a problem for me, but staying pregnant was. Each loss was painful for me, and each success was full of worry.

Even as I dealt with my pain and grief, I remembered the women that I personally know who were in worse situations than I was in. Those who knew what I was going through were supportive, and wonderful. I cannot comment enough of the grace with which these individuals helped me through a rough time in my life. As a result, I attempted to exhibit the same grace when I was having a success and they were not.

Please remember that we are all human beings and everyone needs support. It is not a competition as to who has it worse. It is a time for women to be supportive together regardless of the results (happy or sad). Remember that you never know the fertility situation of a couple. You cannot know their struggles and their grief. Please approach those of child-bearing years with grace.

Do not ask when they will children. They may have been trying for a while. They may have experienced loss. They may be in the middle of dealing with loss. They may have decided to not have children, and that is none of your business.
Please understand when an individual or couple is not able to celebrate immediately a success that you might have. You are not entitled to know the reason, but it exists.
Try not to flaunt your success. I know how hard it is when you have a 34 week belly that can't really be hidden and you know that a coworker is having her 5th miscarriage. Just be sensitive. Try not to complain too much. If you see she needs space, give it to her. If she needs a hug, give it to her too. Just remember that it isn't all about you.

That being said, pregnancy sucks. You do have  a right to complain about pregnancy. It doesn't mean that you are not grateful. Just watch where you complain and to whom, and if someone does not commiserate, it is likely because they want you to STFU because things are really difficult for them. Do not expect those experiencing loss or infertility to comfort you. That is just cruel. Be understanding please. (That being said, my next post will be about complaining about pregnancy, so feel free to ignore it)

What not to say to a woman who has has a miscarriage
Infertility Etiquette

Background

I am currently a bored pregnant woman 8 days from my second c-section. I am also an anxious pregnant woman who is not looking forward to a second year on maternity leave. Let me give you some background.

My son, who is the light of my life, was born 2.5 years ago. He arrived 1 week before his scheduled c-section. At 37 weeks and 2 days gestation, a "routine" non-stress test determined that he was in distress. The pregnancy was complicated so I was being monitored regularly, and he was breech. He arrived very quickly, but was healthy. From there, things got harder for quite some time before they got better. My son did not want to suck during breast-feeding, so we pumped. He had reflux, and colic. He would go through about 8 outfits per day due to reflux, and he didn't slow down with his screaming until 6 months. He also didn't sleep much until that point. At 6 months, besides teething issues, life got better. 

Thanks to supportive family, and a great group of friends, I kept my sanity last time. At 9 months, I went back to work for a month teaching summer school. My husband will attest that he also had a hard time during his month of parental leave, and this was after things got better. When I was home for the last month of my leave, life was really really fun. 

Since returning to work full time, I have been a happier mommy. My son has thrived in daycare, and he is a wonderful ray of sunshine after my sometimes difficult days at work teaching mathematics to unmotivated high school students. 

Now, I am getting ready to do another year of maternity leave. In 8 days I will be having a repeat c-section. I am prepared for a difficult time with the new little one, but am hoping for less difficulty this time around. At least I will be a little bit more prepared. My husband will be taking 3 weeks off to help me during my recovery. I have a wonderfully caring mother-in-law who lives only 45 minutes away who will be willing to help me out too. My son is staying in daycare full time at least until October (when he turns 3) at which point we will likely have to decrease him to part time due to the cost. Since he loves it there and is constantly learning and growing, I think that is the best. Actually, full-time might be the best, but money is always a consideration. 

This time around, I don't have cable, satellite, or even bunny ears (or equivalent) to keep me occupied. If I am as tired as I remember being last time, I won't be able to concentrate enough to read. I do however have the internet to keep me busy during the midnight feeds, or during the day when the baby sleeps and I can not nap. 

That being said, I am a mom like hundreds of other moms. I am not naturally a stay at home mom. That takes a special kind of person. I am a better person when challenged outside the home and when I have regular adult interaction. What I write is not special or earth-shattering. I write for me.  I am blogging to keep myself sane.